I was not arguing otherwise. I was countering the impression your words gave that extra-marital sex 'opens up the risks', which would seem to me to imply that the risks of marital sex are being discounted or downplayed.

The point being that abstinence until marriage alone is still risky, and as a result, I think it is resppnsible to say that even in marriage (or a commited unmarried relationship) people should know enough and be empowered to make their own decisons on how to reduce the risks.

I still am confused about what the problem is with loss of virginity in and of itself.

Quote from bbauska
among other issues that involve self worth, loss of virginity, etc.

http://www.salon.com/2011/03/28/virginity_5/

Effects of losing virginity on a female... Salon states that:
This is just the latest research to find that men feel better than women after losing their virginity. A 1995 study found that “women were significantly more likely to report that their first sexual experience left them feeling less pleasure, satisfaction, and excitement than men, and more sadness, guilt, nervousness, tension, embarrassment, and fear.” The major culprit is that familiar foe, the sexual double standard in which men are crowned as studs and women are branded as sluts when it comes to sex.

Hmm. Is that just because it's loss of virginity, or is it more likely that it is the way that it occurred, and how people behave afterwards?

It's also talking in relative terms, comparing men to women, and not dealing in absolutes.

The last sentence seems important - it's not the sexual act or loss of virginity, so much as what other people think about it and how they express those opinions that seems to be the reason for a loss of self worth.

Perhaps the real problem, then, is slut-shaming.

Call it what you will. Are you saying it does not happen? Does it make it any less hurtful?

What 'it' are you referring to? I don't deny that slut-shaming happens, or that after sex people can behave poorly, or that the actual means/act can be stressful or problematic. Indeed I acknowledged those as factors.

The point being, however, that not even marriage is a cure for all issues with losing virginity. It can still be stressful, and can still negatively affect someone - if a couple wait until marriage and then one or both finds the sex difficult/painful/degrading, whatever, then that could be quite serious for the whole relationship.

Danivon:

if a couple wait until marriage and then one or both finds the sex difficult/painful/degrading, whatever, then that could be quite serious for the whole relationship.

I have no desire to chime in on this debate, but as an aside, I've also met people who waited till marriage and then found out that they weren't sexually compatible. Not difficult, painful or degrading, just not right with this particular partner for whatever reason.

I would call that 'difficult'. It would be an understatement.